Tuesday, 5 April 2011


We are up to twelve weeks and all seems to be going well. But I am beset by worries. Strangely these worries aren't about the obvious things - like will Hope die? Instead they're about the whole surrogacy process. Obviously my husband and I thought very long and hard before we chose the surrogacy route. And actually there is now no point in considering whether our decision was right or wrong. But some how the reality of the decision we've taken is only just hitting home now. My main worry is that surrogacy is just too big an ask. It's too much to expect another woman to have a baby for you. And it isn't just that woman. It's her family. Our surrogate had her own six year old daughter. I know that it has been explained fully to that six year old that the baby won't be staying. But how can you explain that to a six year old? I don't know. Of course, I should have thought more before we decided. And I did think. But I'm a woman who wants a child and I am not rational. Not at all. But equally that isn't an adequate excuse.


Tash said...

This shows an enormous amount of compassion and love despite your own great loss(es) -- not your selfishness. Not at all. Your surrogate likely knows the drill, and her family is gradually learning to find joy in bringing it to others. Which is an awesome lesson for a six year old.

Keep worrying, and I'll sit and feel positive for you. How's that?

Anonymous said...

Alice, I spotted this on the web and thought of you:

Worry is interest we are paying on a problem we don't yet have.

Let's hope your current worries don't become the problems you envisage. Your surrogate mum wouldn't have made her decision to have your baby lightly.

Try not to be so hard on yourself, especially in the early hours.
Thinking of you.