Tuesday, 5 July 2011


I just bought a pram on-line. A pram is only a few metal struts, some canvas, wheels. That's all. It's important for me to remind myself that a pram is not Shakespearean tragedy or a Wagner Opera. It has certainly felt a bit like both over the last few weeks. First there was the trip to the pram shop (John Lewis, Oxford Street, London, to be specific). It was pretty hard to get myself there but I did it. And when I got there - what happened? Mainly I remembered that, leaving aside all that has happened over the last six years, I really hate those shops. I hated them when I was pregnant with Thomas and I hate them just the same now. Inevitably there was this ghastly woman who was having a melt down with the shop assistant. She was quite sure that the pram she bought could have one of those cup holders for carrying your coffee - but now it turns out that her model of pram can't take one of those. National scandal, apocalypse, blah blah. Of course, the reason why I hate that woman so much is because I'm frightened I'll turn into her. After that I look at prams on-line and it becomes one of those late night internet obsessions when you really can't stop yourself looking at page after page, comparing reviews and prices, matching up dimensions, on and on, late into the night. And I am turning into the nightmare cup holder woman ...... Then I measure the car and find out that only two models of pram will fit in our tiny car anyway so most of the research was wasted. And I start to question the whole pram project. Every other woman I know who has lost a baby has avoided buying anything even slightly baby related until after the birth. So shouldn't I do that as well? Am I not tempting fate by buying a pram? Maybe - but after Laura died it really killed me to see a beautiful pram. And now I have a reason to buy one. So I want a pram anyway. If no baby ever finishes up in that pram then so be it. I'll have enjoyed the pram. The pram maybe all I'm going to get so I might as well make the best of it. And once I've got it, I'm going to put it in the hall, just so I can enjoy it. And also so it's there and ready to go if we get a call far earlier than expected. In fact, I'm going to pack everything we need soon. Just in case. Repeat after me. A pram is only a few metal struts, some canvas, wheels.