Monday 26 September 2011

The value of being attacked

I'm OK now - partly thanks to those two lovely messages. And actually what has happened does have its value. I remember that something like this happened to me once before in relation to my writing. A really horrible woman said to me. 'You have to realise that this is just a business, that's all it is. And you just have to write the book that the market requires. And nobody cares less about your creativity or what you want to write etc etc.' I was just so upset. But then after a while I felt really good because I realised how totally and completely I disagreed with her. So the fact that she said all of that actually confirmed and strengthened my position. After that I felt strong and sure of myself and my work in a way I never had done before. And it is a bit like that this time. This woman's unkindness has made me think, 'Actually I've spent far too much time worrying if what I'm doing upsets or offends some other person. And now I need to stop thinking about that.' And what I'm seeing now is our family - the four of us - and we're really together and strong and happy and no one can touch us. And I'm thinking, 'Actually this is our moment of happiness and, my God, we've waited a long time for it. But now it's here I'm going to take it and enjoy every moment of it.' And if there is anyone who doesn't want to share then they can pack their bags and go ..... Because I know that there are plenty of kind people - on the internet and in the wider world - who are prepared to share it and they are proper friends.

4 comments:

Tash said...

Amen.

You know, she may be ready someday, too. I wasn't share in other's happiness -- either my own family's or online -- for a few years. I could muster a sigh of relief, but genuine happiness took much longer. Sometimes I wonder even now if I'm confusing my relief for others with happiness for them. You can certainly find others to share this with if you want to continue talking to her and leave this part out.

I for one will be happy to see photos and hear stories!

Tash said...

(Sorry, that should read "I wasn't able to share" -- I'm multitasking, here.)

Anonymous said...

I am so pleased to read today that you are in a better, stronger place. Yes, pull up the drawbridge and be secure in your own unit of four. And I am pleased too that you have been able to turn such a negative experience into something that makes you stronger.
Lucy

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you as you take the next step on your journey.
Lucy