Sunday, 11 September 2011

All the same story

For a while I have felt uncomfortable with this blog. I felt that it was a blog about Laura and about miscarriages and that, therefore, I didn't want to write about our new baby on it. I felt that there should be a cut off point, a new beginning. A moment when I said, 'All that difficult stuff in the past is done with now and I'm moving on.' But I didn't want to move on. I didn't want to leave Laura behind. And so I hesitated, uncertain what to do. But now I've realised that I don't need to do anything really. I don't need to start again by setting up a new blog. So all I've done is to updated the heading and the summary. There really is no big new beginning, just a seamless shift. Laura and Hope can exist together. I can feel sad about Laura and happy about Hope. Family and friends are beginning to ask for news of the surrogacy so I might even tell them about this blog. It's never been a secret, I just never told them before as I didn't think they would be interested. Now they might look at the blog and be shocked by some of the stuff I wrote in the past. But actually that's fine because if they want to understand what we are doing now, then they need to know what happened before. It's all the same story.


Anonymous said...

Yes, I can see you have chapters in a single book - and they all go to make up your life story.
There are sometimes chapters in our lives we would like to close... but they all contribute to where we are now and how we've got to this point in time.
Thinking of you as you move towards the next chapter...

Tash said...

I kept thinking that too, that I was no longer Awful and seemed to be Functioning rather well, so what was the point? The blog was about her, it was started for Maddy, did I have anything left to say? Turns out I do, occasionally, and that even if I have other stuff to say, she's in there somewhere. Sometimes she's hard to locate, but there's usually a reason I'm feeling what I'm feeling or writing what I'm writing.

I didn't tell anyone about the blog, though. They could still try and commit me retrospectively.

Alice said...

Thanks so much for these comments. Tash, I was thinking particular of your blog when I wrote this. Because I did think at a certain stage - well, isn't she going start a new blog now. But I'm glad you didn't. Alice