Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Twenty four weeks

I have taken care not to count the weeks of this surrogate pregnancy too carefully. Last week I sort of knew that it was the twenty fourth week - but I was careful not to know. Or at least until Thursday. Then on Thursday I suddenly felt the urge to get the calendar out and check exactly. Twenty four weeks. Laura was twenty four weeks when she died. It's OK - but I just want to type that here. Twenty four weeks. I know that because Laura died at twenty four weeks that doesn't mean that Hope will die now - or any other time. But still - twenty four weeks. I just need to register the fact. I said that to my husband and then I said, 'So we really start to know what we have to lose now.' And he agreed. It's sad in a way that, for us, Hope is measured by what her loss would mean. Or maybe it's not sad. Maybe everything should be measured in that way.


Tash said...

Did you see the opening of my post on where I am now? Exactly the same thing. How could I possibly lose another? But another way of looking at it, which I did when pregnant with Ale is, why start grieving now? Grieving sucks. Wait until there's something to grieve, you know? Doesn't mean you need to be farting butterflies and getting all positive thinky about the baby, but doesn't mean you need to drag yourself too low, either.

24 weeks is a big marker for anyone, especially for you. Thinking of Laura and wishing you all the best.

Alice said...

Thanks so much for your comment. You are so right. Grief is bad enough when you have to do it! Thanks as always for your wise comments. Alice