Wednesday 31 December 2008

New Year

I had a miscarriage. I was only seven weeks pregnant anyway and I think that the baby had been dead for a while. It is 11.00 o'clock on New Year's Eve. The weird thing is that I didn't know it is New Year's Eve. I only found out an hour ago when my husband told me. I'd thought that New Year's Eve was tomorrow. This makes me realize how totally cut off my husband and I are from the rest of the world. We spent the morning at the hospital being pitied by pleasant people who can do nothing for us. I spent the evening lying in bed next to my son, bleeding and listening to a Narnia audio CD. My husband stayed downstairs and drank wine and listened to the radio. Somewhere not far away there are people having parties and letting off fireworks. My husband and I haven't been to a New Year's party since our daughter died. One year we did go away together to a hotel and I enjoyed that. I suppose that we could put the radio on and listen to the New Year being rung in. But I don't think we'll bother.

9 comments:

Tash said...

Oh Alice, oh no. I'm so, so sorry.

I'm actually amazed it's NEeve, too -- I have no earthly idea where this year just went.

Thinking of you all.

Z said...

I'm sorry, Alice.

c. said...

Oh, Alice. I'm so sorry. Just so sorry.

Holding you all in my heart. XO.

janis said...

I am so terribly sorry to hear that.

Sending healing thoughts...

Melissia said...

Alice, I am so sorry. Abiding with you.
Melissia

Anonymous said...

So sorry Alice. Really so sorry.

Natika said...

Every loss impacts our lives. None is too small. I'm sorry for your losses and I'm hoping 2009 will be a better year for you and your family.

Karin said...

I'm so sorry. Very sorry. Words do not suffice.

I'm thinking of you all.

Honey said...

my heart is with you these days alice, I just don't know how to reach out because there is nothing I can do right now but I love you and i am so very sorry.
x