Monday, 5 January 2009
Finally I took a photograph of our new house. It looks like something out of a Hammer Horror movie, I know. I love that. It is right up on top of the Cotswolds and it is very, very cold in this place. We don't have any curtains or carpets and the heating doesn't work properly and the place is a mass of drafts ..... Yet some how it suits us quite well. We bought the house four years ago when we expected to have more children to fill it. There are a lot of empty rooms but I don't think we'd have the energy to sell it now and get something more practical. I feel like I'll remember this period of my life for ever. The cold, the silence, the long, long days. My husband has gone away for work and my son and I are snowed in here. It isn't a problem because we have everything we need for the moment. I don't see anyone or speak to anyone. I don't answer the phone. It is easier like that. If I see anyone then they'll ask me whether I had a good Christmas and then I won't know whether to say, 'Yes, fine thanks.' Or whether to say, 'No actually I had a miscarriage and actually this is the fifth baby that we've lost.' If I say that they'll look at me in disbelief. I won't blame them for that. I don't believe it either. Perhaps the thaw will come tomorrow. So many people have posted lovely messages on this blog. That helps a lot. So odd that people miles away that I've never met should be so kind. Thank you very, very much.