Thursday, 27 November 2008


A couple evenings ago I went to a support group for people with dead babies. I have never been able to do that before because of living abroad. It isn't easy for me to go even now that I'm back in England. I had to drive a long way and go into a city which I don't know. I was on my own and it was dark. I'm not good with cars, maps, that sort of thing. I spent hours driving around the city, lost and increasingly desperate. But all the while this lovely woman called Cathy (who runs the support group) was sending me texts and trying to help me get there. Eventually I got there. A community centre in some back street in the middle of nowhere. And there was Cathy - on her own. She usually has more people turning up but that night she didn't. She always sits there all evening anyway just in case someone shows up. She's a tall, thin woman, with lovely long black hair. Dignified, resolute and calm. I was just so moved by her and by what she's doing. There she was, on her own, in that middle of nowhere place. There to help women who've lost babies - despite the fact that she has the most God awful story to tell herself. There waving a flag for the bereaved - which is something that very, very few people do. She said to me that she set up the group because she felt she owed it to her lost son Adam to help other parents .... Very modestly, she added that she feels that she's done Adam proud. Well, let me tell you, Cathy. You have. You really have.


Tash said...

Oh thank goodness for people like Cathy.

And for texting.

And I hope you return and try and make a connection -- she sounds wonderful. Sometimes it can be so comforting to know you're not alone, and that children's names and sad mothers exist outside of the computer.

c. said...

I agree with Tash: Sometimes connecting with a real life sad person makes all the difference in the world to our grieving hearts.

Glad Cathy was there to welcome you when you arrived. She sounds like an incredible person and a wonderful mom to Adam. Truly.