Wednesday 8 October 2008

Serial Rescuer II

I suppose that I'm interested in this Serial Rescuer question because I think that it is linked, very loosely, to women who have still births (and perhaps others who suffer awful disasters). One of the theories about Serial Rescuers is, I believe, that they endlessly give out what they hope to receive. For me, this explanation makes sense. I say that because I know that recently I went out a big Salvation Mission. A friend of mine, who has also lost a baby, went on a similar Mission as well. We laugh together now about our experiences - although only because if we didn't laugh then we would cry. I think that for both of us the motivation was the same. It went like this: I've just been through a terrible experience and I didn't receive proper help and support and so now I'm going to ensure that nobody else is left in that situation ....... But the point is that both my friend and I decided to save people who couldn't be saved. And both of us wore ourselves out trying and trying and trying ...... And we both admit now that we didn't like the people we tried to save! But at the time we simply refused to admit that maybe those people were simply not worth the trouble. For both of us these Salvation Missions finished up being deeply bruising experiences. Well at least we can laugh and comfort each other by analysing how we could have been quite so stupid ..... Perhaps a Salvation Mission of this kind is just one of the many distractions you get yourself into when you've lost a baby ..... And at the end of it, and all those other high-ways and by-ways your shamble down in your grief, you are always forced back on the knowledge that your baby remains just as dead as he / she always was ......

5 comments:

Tash said...

"that they endlessly give out what they hope to receive. "

This makes sense to me in this regard: I've spent an awful lot of my time in the last year helping other babyloss mama's. In large part because I know now how to, and know what I'd like to hear. I guess the difference here is that I don't see myself as saving anyone -- for one, I'm not that good, but I don't think any of these moms need "saving" really. Help, perhaps. Or a good laugh. In one way it's endless and fruitless not being able to "fix" others (or, by that token, myself), but in some ways it's very freeing knowing that isn't my responsibility because it's a damn near impossible goal.

I went on a mini mission to save a dog last year, and it worked, and now I have a dog who eats things right off my counters. Savior, beware.

Melissia said...

I think Tash might be on to something. I am fostering a lovely retired showdog who has somehow lost his family, and it has been a great distraction from some reaaly bad news that I have gotten recently. After reading your first serial recuer post I realized that the head of our dog rescue group was herself the mother of a stllborn daughter some years ago. I can honestly say that these in need of rescue are helping us to heal ourselves.

Melissia said...

I just wanted to clarify and stated that I meant to say that "those dogs in need of rescue are helping us to heal ourselves".

Karin said...

After Soren died, I felt completely alienated from the people around me. I was not receiving the support I needed, and they didn't seem to have a clue. So I wrote this enormous section on my webpage called Positive Actions so that bereaved parents could either be saved from pain or those near them could learn how to not add to their pain. It's huge. It should be a dissertation. When I look back on it now I think how unwieldy it is, how enormous. Who could ever really sift through it and learn anything with me preaching like that. But I'm loath to change it because it's from that time. It's my voice from then. And there isn't anything left but that, you know? I now admire my friends who did read it, who tried. (did I mention that it's BIG?)

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is I needed to do it my way. Even though there were loads of other people with the same info, I needed to make it mine and have it be my voice that was heard. It seemed the only way that I could be heard, if anyone was listening. My purpose was to help others, but it was for me too.

Alice said...

Thanks for the comments. Alice