Thursday, 14 August 2008

Sons and daughters

We moved house. Currently we are not actually living anywhere. That is not as bad as it sounds except that everything I need is in a bag which is somewhere else ...... I'm typing this from an internet cafe. Today I heard someone repeat a saying which I had never heard before. It goes likes this: 'A son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is a daughter for all of her life.' That one hit me pretty hard. It's true, of course. A mother-daughter relationship is a special and unique relationship. I'm never going to have that and I'm lonely without it. I have my husband and my son but they're blokes and so there are some things that they just don't understand. But I'm defiant. Defiant. That's an important word for me right now. I want life, life, life. In spite of what has happened I want as much life as I can have. It won't end well. I'm running myself into the ground and I'll finish up ill. But until that moment comes I'm just enjoying the fact that I, at least, am alive.


Tash said...

sometimes we just have to fall back on that: we're here. Good luck with the rest of the move, and it's nice to hear your voice.

janis said...

There are times when I feel really defiant too. Hang in there, and good luck with your move!

Karin said...

Your posts are really striking me tonight. I've heard that saying before and always feel sad and left out by it. It doesn't always end up that way though, I've got proof!

Keep kicking those defiant feet!

niobe said...

Yeah, defiance. I can relate to that.

This isn't really on point, but your words brought back such a vivid memory. Sixteen years ago, when my son was born, I felt disappointed that he wasn't a girl, thinking of exactly the same saying you mention.

However, as it turned out, my relationship with my son has always been incredibly close. (And not in some creepy, Oedipal way, thankyouverymuch).

In fact, I've come to fear that if I ever had a daughter, I'd replicate the horrible relationship I have with my mother and she had with her mother and so on.

I realize this isn't going to make you feel any better and that you have suffered a huge loss -- in more ways than one. It's just that that reading that saying triggered such strong memories for me.

Alice said...

Thanks so much for the comments. Yes, it's right. I shouldn't go around making a fantasy relationship with my daughter. Perhaps if she'd have lived we would have got on really badly. I don't like saying that but perhaps it is true. And sons are what you make them, really. God sometimes I get bored with endlessly trying to see something positive .... but keep on trying .... Alice

Z said...

If you are very lucky, you will gain a daughter when your son marries. I have. I love her dearly and we are very close.

It is not that I don't appreciate what you are saying, simply that second best can be very good indeed.