Monday, 4 August 2008

Foxy the bike

Life should be absolutely terrible right now. It's four days until we leave this city. I'm packing all day, every day. It's physically exhausting and emotionally draining. Everyone I know is away on holiday - and even if they weren't I probably wouldn't see them. My husband is busy at work and says, 'It'll get done some how.' (I noticed that men say that often. It means, 'Some woman will do it.') So here I am alone in this half packed house. Whole swathes of my past have been carted away to the junk yard, and loads more will go. But the strange thing is that, on a minute by minute basis, I don't feel that bad. I don't really feel anything at all - but I don't mean that in a negative sense. I'm like somebody in a dream. Today I did have a moment when I lost my nerve. I should have taken my son's bike to the dump but I couldn't do it. My son has out grown the bike and it was always horrid anyway. My mother got it from a dump. It's black and orange - a combination of colours I particularly dislike. For some reason it has 'Foxy' painted on the cross bar so that's what we call it. My son and I have had some fun with Foxy. Last summer I taught him to ride without stabilisers and he's written miles and miles on that bike. And so when it came to taking Foxy to the junk market I couldn't do it ..... It's funny the odd things which tug at the heart strings, the bits of the past which refuse to be cut adrift.


niobe said...

I've thrown out so many things in my life. And, honestly, it's hard to think of a single one that I've regretted not having.

But, of course, there are some material objects that are so laden with significance that the idea of getting rid of them seems very close to the idea of getting rid of the memories and emotions they embody.

janis said...

The thought of having to pack for a move makes me shudder. I am sorry Foxy has to go back... funny how you hated it and then now could not let it go. Life is funny like that.
Best of luck to you!!

Tash said...

By now you're moved, and I hope it went as well as could be expected. I hope the bike made the move unscratched! There's always a nice "paring down" with a move that I enjoy. Sadly, it's usually followed by pulling something out of a box in the new place and thinking, "why on earth did I take the time to pack THIS?"

Honey said...

I'm sure you will look back at this time and know it was the right thing to do, it's just so much hard work moving, it's horrible I shudder to even think about doing it mayself.
my first step towards considering that possibility will be to declutter like mad when i get home for i too can no longer see myself living in brussels it is indeed time to move on.
i hope the move was manageable and you get some real rest afterwards, i'll be in an ashram in south wales soon so perhaps i'll get to see you on my way back? it would be lovely to meet up. i'm sure we could both use a hug and a laugh in that order.

Karin said...

We recently moved and I had one of those moments with an old doll of mine. Her leg is smashed and some fingers are missing. I thought, maybe its time to let her go. I wrapped her in paper and placed her on an old table put outside for rubbish collection. That night I couldn't sleep thinking of her out there in the dark so went and got her. The idea of her lifeless, abandoned on an old table, was troubling and triggering. Who would know that an old doll could bring a grown woman to tears.

Moving is quite revealing. All my best for your move.